Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize