I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
