so that wasnt chicken after all
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
