you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
