It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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