i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
