The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
