he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
