That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
