The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
