I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize