well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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