i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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