How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
