How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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