The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just gargled with NyQuil
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
