i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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