Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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