I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
