dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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