Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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