I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
