Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
is wine microwaveable?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
