OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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