Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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