Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
