the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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