Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize