also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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