she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
