I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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