This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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