how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
