You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
