who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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