Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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