So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
