Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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