I have demons in me.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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