Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
