If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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