kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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