Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
