i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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