I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
