I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
