watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
