oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
