I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
