Capitaan dildo arrescate!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
