Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
