please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
