im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
