he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
