he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
