I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
