A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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