the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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