Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
