I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
