Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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