I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She needs sedatives and a leash
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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