some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
