Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
