I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize