Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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