She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
