is your mom at the bar?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
