hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize