Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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