Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
