I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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