yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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