It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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